That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
