He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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