Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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