please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
