so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
