You were right. It hurts to walk today.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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