what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
