No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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