A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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