dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
