Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
