i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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