So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I touched a dick in church today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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