Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
