just tell him i said nine months
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
