Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
