You just made me feel so damn special
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
