beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
