I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
