he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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