party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
