i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
