how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
