I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
