Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
