If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
