I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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