Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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