You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We smell like vodka and hangover
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