after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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