I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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