We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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