Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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