I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
