I accidentally had phone sex last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
