is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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