Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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