The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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