I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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