apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
