I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
