There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
