i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
