why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
