When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
