I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
