Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
