I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
