I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
