So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
