This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
