Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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