So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
