Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
