So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize