Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
