i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
