So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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