jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
