Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
