It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
