Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
