i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
