I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
