I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My balls are so social today.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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