the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dicks are not precious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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