I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
