porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
