the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
