There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
