I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You are the jesus of drinking
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
