so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alive.
So much puke
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
