I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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