Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
